March 25, 2002

What a mess. Such a mess.


Find rest oh my soul in God alone
My hope it comes from him
He above all is loving and strong
A warrior as well as a friend
A rock for my feet
A roof for my head
A bulwark in life's desperate hours
My salvation and my honor depend on God
Then why is my soul
So downcast and anxious

I trust you at all times pour out my heart
Bearing my soul here before you, 'cause
You aren't like the ones I've trusted before when I've opened up
You're there all the more

Low borne men are but a breath
The high borne are but a lie
If placed on a scale before my God
They'd amount to a breath or a sigh
We worry about our position in life
So others will think we've arrived
But you love the peasant as much as the prince
The despised of men as much as the honored

I trust you at all times pour out my heart
Bearing my soul here before you, 'cause
You aren't like the ones I've trusted before when I've opened up
You're there all the more

March 22, 2002

Rest in peace, my dear NCAA bracket. You were dearly loved. But, now, you have died. I will miss you. I wish thing could've worked out between us.

Good bye!!!!

March 13, 2002

(originally written 2/25/02)

Like I said before, YAF retreat was such a blessing. I totally praise God for Pastor Jess. It's funny because I knew him before he was Pastor Jess, so I'd rather just call him Jess. I was really blessed by the teaching and the time I had with God. The fellowship was good; it was definitely nice to get to know some of the YAF'ers a little better. But, it's been a long time since I've been to a retreat where the teaching was just....like BAMN!

Anyhow, the topic/theme for the retreat was on prayer. The teaching was really solid. But more than the words that were used, I was really encouraged as to how Jess prayed. He taught us all these things about prayer, but above all, he showed us what he was teaching us. Rather than just opening in prayer with the standard quasi-formality/religiosity prayers, he prayed really honestly. And even more, he prayed at length. I think all of his opening prayers lasted at least 5 minutes. Not to say that length is a measure of anything, but it was just that he prayed sincerely and honestly. I think he accomplished three things during these short prayer times:
1. He led us to pray and really prepare to hear the Word being taught.
2. He was vulnerable with us as he was vulnerable with God.
3. He really sincerely prayed FOR us.

He gave 3 messages, all of which really struck me in different places and led to very different reactions. 1st, he shared about enjoying God, just delighting in sitting at His feet. The 2nd message was about our kingdom responsibility in prayer. And finally, he challenged us to really care. This was the message that really hit home with me. The challenge for us was to care deeply about something that God cares deeply about. BUT, rather than moving to mobilize right away, we should spend serious time praying through these burdens. And then, if God should call us to take some action, then go. But, if not, then keep praying.

Galations 6:2 reads Bear one another’s burdens and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. Such a simple and frequently quoted verse. But, on the 2nd night at retreat, I really learned the depth of this verse. Jess led us to pray for one another in a way that relied heavily on the Spirit and really built up the fellowship of the body. We broke into small groups of 3 or 4. We were then instructed to pray as the Sprit led, but about one thing at a time. Person A would bring up a specific petition or praise. When she was done, others would then keep praying for that same item until we sensed that the Spirit was prompting us to move on. Then Person B would pray for something specifically, and we would pray for that request until it was time to move on. This was what is meant by carrying eachother’s burdens. As I made other people’s praises and petitions my own, there was a unity that I cannot describe. And lo and behold, by the time we were done, we had been praying for a couple hours.

God was moving powerfully.

It’s now March 13. It’s neat to look back over the past few weeks and see how God really used the teaching and fellowship at retreat to prepare me for the coming months. He refreshed my view of ministry and service in YAF and Youth Worship. He refreshed a heart for the lost and even for my dear friends.

Content. (like happy..not like substance. heh.)