borrowing the words of my sister:

avery is dead
i will roast him with garlic and barbecue sauce
until he is brown and crisp
then im gonna chop him up
into little tiny pieces
and throw him into a pit of pitbulls

These words also apply to Sam Lau.

SAM LAU,

PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER.

I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

WATCH YOUR BACK.

AVERY CHAN,

THIS IS JUST TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE A DEAD MAN.

MY ANGER BURNS AGAINST YOU.

BEWARE THE WRATH OF EV.

I had a very odd dream last night.

I dreamt that Scott Eng was trying to kill my sister because she forgot to meet him at the park or something. He didn't actually go after my sister, but he kept telling me how he was going to shoot her in the back of her neck. There was something about a talking bear (clearly influenced by A.I.), breaking into a radio studio, hiding in the stacks of a small public library, being at a wedding that I wasn't invited to, and a guy telling me that he didn't like me like that. It was all very odd. I can't remember the details. It was just odd that Scott was out to get my sister.

Don't mess with my sister.

Interesting site. A postmodern site to bring the gospel to a postmodern generation. I'm not sure how I feel about all this. What's their theology? Not sure. Do they present the gospel? Yes...well..kinda. Hmm..still sifting through it. Email me thoughts if you have any.

Other interesting links about postmodernism can be found here.

I'm still processing all this. Thoughts? I'd love to talk about this...

I came home from dinner and changed.

Lo and behold, I still have peanut shells down my shirt.

When am I ever going to have the opportunity to throw peanuts at my friends again?

Heehee. I enjoy nights out.

I left my umbrella in 103 Moffit last night after class. Stupid me. I had this nagging feeling that I had left it while I was walking to my car. When I realized this morning that I had lost it, I was pretty upset.

This was a nice umbrella. Black, Eddie Bauer, personal size umbrella with the push-button open and close. I paid good money for that umbrella too.

As I started walking down to the car from my apartment, I started to figure out my schedule to see if I had time to go to Eddie Bauer in Berkeley. I was kicking myself for having left it in class. And then it dawned on me: I do own other umbrellas. How had I become so attached to a $15 piece of metal and cloth? I was really shocked and saddened as I looked at my heart toward my posessions. Why was I so disappointed that I had lost it? Yes, whenever you lose something there is a sense of loss, but my reaction was stronger than it should have been.

How have I become a lover of such worldly things? Jessie and I have been reading Celebration of Discipline together. Last week, we talked about simplicity. Have these lessons been ringing ever so true in my life! While I was moving last December, I realized that I own way too much stuff, especially for a young adult who's still transitioning. What am I going to do with my stuff when I (hopefully) leave for grad school?

Richard Foster discusses 10 ways to simplify your life (in a material sense). He talks about not needing to own everything. I bought 4 movies last week - 2 on VHS for $5 each and 2 DVD's. Now, why can't I just rent movies when I want to watch them? Why this need to accumulate stuff? It adds clutter to my life. I'm going to go so far as to call this sin in my life. Because that's what it is. I might as well call it what it is, no? This is probably one of the most stealthy sins that has crept into my life. I can see how it's grown so slowly and quietly. There is definite value in entertainment, and we are to enjoy these things, but I've become attached to my stuff. If someone were to ask me if they could have something that belonged to me, how generous would my heart be?

Since I have started working and making a little bit of money, I have developed this very ungodly attitude. I'm not even sure where it came from, but now I see that it's definitely there. It's this idea that: "that which I buy with the money I make I have somehow earned. What I give to the church and missions is what belongs to God. Everything else is mine." HA! God, come and get me on that one!!

Lord, forgive my sinfulness. Remove this from me; cut it out of me. Change my heart that I would be a lover not of stuff, but of the things that are dear to You. Teach me to use my money in a way that brings You honor. Give me the strength to not indulge every appetite and desire I have. I praise You for Your transforming power in my life.

Sometimes I hate myself. I hate seeing what a sinner I am. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I killed a pigeon. It was gross.

I was driving home from church. I was going down Jackson right in front of McDonald's. There were these two pigeons in my lane pecking away at something on the road. They looked pretty happy, eating what were probably french fries. So, I slow down just a little, thinking that they'll fly away. That's what birds do, right? Car coming, you fly away. So the smarter of the two birds starts to fly off. I think to myself, "Ok, they're moving. Good." And then I realize that the not-so-bright pigeon is still pecking away at his french fries.

Suddenly. I feel my car drive over something. Thud. Squish. And with that, there was a dead pigeon on the road. I KILLED A PIGEON. Stupid bird. Fly away! That's what you're supposed to do!

I got home, and there were a few blood splatters near my front left tire. Gross. Stupid bird.

Gosh, my other post was such useless garbage. Pointless chatter. I really want to do less of that.

So, I've been really encouraged this week. I wouldn't say that I'm doing wonderfully, but this week has definitely been better than last week. It's just a milder week - less loneliness, less frustration, less despondency. There's been a little more hope, a little more fellowship (not just hanging out, but real fellowship), and a little more patience.

I kinda figured out why. I've taken my eyes off of myself this week. I spent so much time last week thinking about how much of a sinner I am, and beating myself up for being a sinner, that I ended up really dejected. I feel like the Israelites so often, caught in this vicious cycle - sin, repentence, deliverance...sin, repentance, deliverance...Have I truly died to my sinful nature? With my roommate gone for 6 weeks, there was no accountability. I didn't have to learn to relate to other people when I got home. I just sat at home and wallowed in my misery.

And then, God shows me how He's working in other people's lives. Although it's been difficult to see what He's been doing in my life, I cannot deny the miracles He's been performing. I really appreciated Drew's emails from these past two weeks. It's nice to hear honest accounts of places God is bringing him. Granted, things aren't hunky dorey (however you spell that). But, how often are things all that perfect? Rarely, but learning to walk steadily, when it hurts and when God's silent - especially when God's silent. That's living.

I was really blessed by both Steve and Phil's emails about things going on out in the missions field. Just watching God's hand so clearly at work. Praise God for new brothers and sisters in Christ. Meeting with Jessie this week. Wowee! Topics of simplicity and solitude. We talked not about how we enact these things in discrete segments of our lives, but how we implement these things amid the busyness. Praying with her was really encouraging and refreshing.

Youth worship meeting last night and dinner with Sam before that. God's been really meeting my needs for human contact. I really enjoyed the meeting last night; we worshipped in song, we shared, we laughed, avery farted, we laughed some more, avery farted some more, and we prayed. Just being amongst friends was so wonderful.

But, these are just events and experiences. Above all, God has really been communicating a simple truth. He sees me. He loves me deeply.

I feel like I've become a little worker bee for God, and I've forgotten that I am His child.

And in refinding a proper identity in Christ, He's restored passions. I'm learning how to pray earnestly and passionately. I'm learning to hope again. I'm learning to love people again. Hearing from Sarah and Jason about Urban Immersion has rekindled that heart for the urban poor. That will be another blog.

Things still aren't all peachy, but there is hope in Christ. He is the restorer of my soul.

Slow and steady.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. --Romans 15:13

I drove to work this morning. I normally can get here in about 15 minutes. Today, it took me 30. I exited off the freeway. My office is right off of the freeway, but I have to drive on the overpass to the other side of the freeway. Unfortunately, this morning, they were paving the overpass, so it was all closed. There were NO detour signs. Not a single one. So, I kept trying to figure out how to get to the other side of the freeway. I called my coworker who told me to get on the freeway and go away from work. Then get off and turn back around on the freeway so I can exit on the other side of the overpass. 2 problems with this which I soon discovered. First, I could get onto the freeway. So, then I started taking city streets. Finally, I get to the freeway and I'm supposed to keep going on 580W. Too bad, our exit is the last one before the Richmond/San Rafael Bridge. Going the away from work on 580 only leads me toward San Quentin.

Well, to make a long story short, I finally did get to work. They should really put up more detour signs. Actually, if I recall, there was 1 detour sign. The genius that some people are, the sign pointed back toward the overpass that was clearly closed. Useless.

And there are my chronicles of my journey to work this morning.