Gosh, my other post was such useless garbage. Pointless chatter. I really want to do less of that.

So, I've been really encouraged this week. I wouldn't say that I'm doing wonderfully, but this week has definitely been better than last week. It's just a milder week - less loneliness, less frustration, less despondency. There's been a little more hope, a little more fellowship (not just hanging out, but real fellowship), and a little more patience.

I kinda figured out why. I've taken my eyes off of myself this week. I spent so much time last week thinking about how much of a sinner I am, and beating myself up for being a sinner, that I ended up really dejected. I feel like the Israelites so often, caught in this vicious cycle - sin, repentence, deliverance...sin, repentance, deliverance...Have I truly died to my sinful nature? With my roommate gone for 6 weeks, there was no accountability. I didn't have to learn to relate to other people when I got home. I just sat at home and wallowed in my misery.

And then, God shows me how He's working in other people's lives. Although it's been difficult to see what He's been doing in my life, I cannot deny the miracles He's been performing. I really appreciated Drew's emails from these past two weeks. It's nice to hear honest accounts of places God is bringing him. Granted, things aren't hunky dorey (however you spell that). But, how often are things all that perfect? Rarely, but learning to walk steadily, when it hurts and when God's silent - especially when God's silent. That's living.

I was really blessed by both Steve and Phil's emails about things going on out in the missions field. Just watching God's hand so clearly at work. Praise God for new brothers and sisters in Christ. Meeting with Jessie this week. Wowee! Topics of simplicity and solitude. We talked not about how we enact these things in discrete segments of our lives, but how we implement these things amid the busyness. Praying with her was really encouraging and refreshing.

Youth worship meeting last night and dinner with Sam before that. God's been really meeting my needs for human contact. I really enjoyed the meeting last night; we worshipped in song, we shared, we laughed, avery farted, we laughed some more, avery farted some more, and we prayed. Just being amongst friends was so wonderful.

But, these are just events and experiences. Above all, God has really been communicating a simple truth. He sees me. He loves me deeply.

I feel like I've become a little worker bee for God, and I've forgotten that I am His child.

And in refinding a proper identity in Christ, He's restored passions. I'm learning how to pray earnestly and passionately. I'm learning to hope again. I'm learning to love people again. Hearing from Sarah and Jason about Urban Immersion has rekindled that heart for the urban poor. That will be another blog.

Things still aren't all peachy, but there is hope in Christ. He is the restorer of my soul.

Slow and steady.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. --Romans 15:13