This is for Rhonda as she puts of studying. =)
I had dinner with Rhonda last night. So, it’s strange. Many moons ago, Rhonda and I were in the same Bible Study (the Crusade off-campus women’s one). Most of our group graduated, and we left Rhonda behind. Suddenly, Rhonda appears this past fall at Berkeley Mosaic. Wow! We chat a little, catch up a little. I started attending a Mosaic Community group, and it turned out that she was co-leading the group.
So, yes, after many moons, we have been reunited. It was such a blessing and a joy to hang out with her last night. We got to be “the obnoxious people” at the restaurant. We had planned to go to Filippo’s on Solano. But we get there, and, um, it doesn’t exist anymore. So, we walk a few blocks down the street. We find this “nicer” Italian restaurant. It was so romantic (haha!) There were candles on the table. And then, suddenly, out of nowhere there was live music!
It was great to talk and laugh, and laugh, and laugh. I had a wonderful time. It was nice to catch up, talk, eat. But, above all, I really like it was a time of fellowship that was really moved by the Spirit. There was an honesty and transparency in our conversation and confessions to one another. There was an earnest desire to testify of God’s work in our lives. And there was a lot of laughing.
So, now, Rhonda. I have finally blogged. Granted, it’s about you. But, there you go!
December 12, 2003
October 29, 2003
When we were in middle school, all the sixth graders had to take this class called Changes. It was basically a class on the changes that happen during adolescence (physically, emotionally, mentally). Actually, I don’t remember too much about what we were taught in the class. I just remember having to take it. I guess the idea was that this class would help 11- and 12-year-olds make the proper adjustments as their bodies, minds, and surroundings change.
Alinna and I have decided that there is an overwhelming need for something to that effect for post-undergraduate, quarter-life crisis, lost generation-ers. (not like we really know anything.) There is a need, however. How come no one ever told us that post-college life would be this weird warped place? It’s not like those who have gone before us didn’t experience it themselves! We need to pass on the wisdom of generations. Learning about financial responsibility and independence, new social environments, workplace behavior, identifying this overwhelming need to belong, and the social awkwardness (I won’t even try to fix that sentence.) Once we have our Ph.D.’s and become hip forty something professors, we’ll write a book called Changes: Round Two. And we’ll teach a de-Cal class. That would be awesome.
On an unrelated note, I really would like to get Mandy’s new CD, Coverage. Hmm, I think I will go pick it up tonight. I’ve heard very good things about it.
God has truly been my Sustainer, my Fortress, and my Rock. Things at work were pretty bad for a couple days. And it was really hard to do the right thing. But, I knew I had to do it. And it sucked, but I was kept safe, I was strengthened. My faith is so small; I become this timid little thing in the face of the big storm. But Jesus is the Big one.
Alinna and I have decided that there is an overwhelming need for something to that effect for post-undergraduate, quarter-life crisis, lost generation-ers. (not like we really know anything.) There is a need, however. How come no one ever told us that post-college life would be this weird warped place? It’s not like those who have gone before us didn’t experience it themselves! We need to pass on the wisdom of generations. Learning about financial responsibility and independence, new social environments, workplace behavior, identifying this overwhelming need to belong, and the social awkwardness (I won’t even try to fix that sentence.) Once we have our Ph.D.’s and become hip forty something professors, we’ll write a book called Changes: Round Two. And we’ll teach a de-Cal class. That would be awesome.
On an unrelated note, I really would like to get Mandy’s new CD, Coverage. Hmm, I think I will go pick it up tonight. I’ve heard very good things about it.
God has truly been my Sustainer, my Fortress, and my Rock. Things at work were pretty bad for a couple days. And it was really hard to do the right thing. But, I knew I had to do it. And it sucked, but I was kept safe, I was strengthened. My faith is so small; I become this timid little thing in the face of the big storm. But Jesus is the Big one.
October 23, 2003
October 16, 2003
October 14, 2003
Many random thoughts…
I need to call O back. I am a bad friend. I have been anti-social for the past 2 weeks. When did I become like this?! (or have I always been like this?) Ever since my mom got sick, I’ve been bouncing back and forth between being a hermit and not. I’m in one of those in between periods, where I see that I have become a hermit, and I am trying oh so hard to pull myself up by my bootstraps and snap out of it. This is unhealthy. Seri, will you explain it to me? I need therapy.
I got really depressed this weekend about how I don’t have friends around. Other than Jason, I would only really hang out with Sam. And we don’t even hang out..umm..ever? But, I find myself close to envious - ok, call it what it is – envious of folks when I hear them just randomly getting together, hanging out. “Hey, what are you doing? Can I come over?” I miss my girls, dearly. I’m sad that there aren’t folks nearby for me to have lunch with during the workday. nd then, when I’m at home, I don’t get to see Kar or Al or Bops that much because I need to be with my mom.
I can’t explain it. Just a little discontentment and apathy all mixed together. No whining. Just sad. I should call O back.
In other news, I went to look for a skinny scarf for Al at Stanford. No luck. I did see this MONSTROUS dog outside of BR, though. It was the size of a small bear. No kidding. It was HUGE! Made my day..well, that and Jason’s generosity and thoughtfulness.
Ok, I will try calling O on the way home this evening!
I need to call O back. I am a bad friend. I have been anti-social for the past 2 weeks. When did I become like this?! (or have I always been like this?) Ever since my mom got sick, I’ve been bouncing back and forth between being a hermit and not. I’m in one of those in between periods, where I see that I have become a hermit, and I am trying oh so hard to pull myself up by my bootstraps and snap out of it. This is unhealthy. Seri, will you explain it to me? I need therapy.
I got really depressed this weekend about how I don’t have friends around. Other than Jason, I would only really hang out with Sam. And we don’t even hang out..umm..ever? But, I find myself close to envious - ok, call it what it is – envious of folks when I hear them just randomly getting together, hanging out. “Hey, what are you doing? Can I come over?” I miss my girls, dearly. I’m sad that there aren’t folks nearby for me to have lunch with during the workday. nd then, when I’m at home, I don’t get to see Kar or Al or Bops that much because I need to be with my mom.
I can’t explain it. Just a little discontentment and apathy all mixed together. No whining. Just sad. I should call O back.
In other news, I went to look for a skinny scarf for Al at Stanford. No luck. I did see this MONSTROUS dog outside of BR, though. It was the size of a small bear. No kidding. It was HUGE! Made my day..well, that and Jason’s generosity and thoughtfulness.
Ok, I will try calling O on the way home this evening!
October 7, 2003
Karen, Jenie, and Al took me out to dinner for my birthday this weekend. It was great fun. We must find that scarf. If I find one, can I buy one for myself too!? =)
Why do our conversations always end up on that same topic??? Weddings...yikes. And why do bag on O so much, even when she's not around? We must love her an awful lot.
Jason cooked me yummy dinner on Thursday. I was terribly impressed. MMmmmMMMMMmm. =)
Why do our conversations always end up on that same topic??? Weddings...yikes. And why do bag on O so much, even when she's not around? We must love her an awful lot.
Jason cooked me yummy dinner on Thursday. I was terribly impressed. MMmmmMMMMMmm. =)
September 17, 2003
Ok, I'll hop on the "List" bandwagon!
List of how I am blessed:
- Sisters all over the country who get down on their knees for one another. The news from them, the stories, the gushing (yes, Karen, even the gushing by a particular someone!), the random phone calls, the willingness to scrub my bathroom. But above all, the prayer and things to pray for!
- Jason, who does nothing with complaining or grumbling. He is an example of confidence and steadfastness in Christ through and through.
- The work of the Holy Spirit in bringing people to saving knowledge of Christ. Thank you, Shrie, for your story and how it reminds me to pray for my dad.
- Jason's family who takes good care of me while I'm off living by myself.
- My mother's amazing faith and strength.
- Opportunities to go back to school, to work, to dream, and to look forward to the future.
- The encouragement that all the YAFers showed Jason during the past week.
These things completely humble me. God is real big. He is real good at providing. Even amid complete chaos, fear, uncertainty, and sadness, I can only humbly marvel at all He has provided me. What more could I need?
List of how I am blessed:
- Sisters all over the country who get down on their knees for one another. The news from them, the stories, the gushing (yes, Karen, even the gushing by a particular someone!), the random phone calls, the willingness to scrub my bathroom. But above all, the prayer and things to pray for!
- Jason, who does nothing with complaining or grumbling. He is an example of confidence and steadfastness in Christ through and through.
- The work of the Holy Spirit in bringing people to saving knowledge of Christ. Thank you, Shrie, for your story and how it reminds me to pray for my dad.
- Jason's family who takes good care of me while I'm off living by myself.
- My mother's amazing faith and strength.
- Opportunities to go back to school, to work, to dream, and to look forward to the future.
- The encouragement that all the YAFers showed Jason during the past week.
These things completely humble me. God is real big. He is real good at providing. Even amid complete chaos, fear, uncertainty, and sadness, I can only humbly marvel at all He has provided me. What more could I need?
August 26, 2003
Jason and I saw Barry Bonds yesterday in SF.
We were driving down Harrison. And, we looked at this big, black, shiny new Escalade next to us. From the driver's seat, I could only see that this guy had HUGE arms. And then, Jason timidly says, "That's Barry Bonds." I thought he was just kidding. Don't worry, we didn't stare. Jason took furtive glances from the passenger seat. Then, he pulled in front of us, and I could see him in his mirrors. We followed him briefly (because we were going in the same direction, not because we were stalking).
So, yes. That was our encounter with Barry Bonds. Jason sat less than 4 feet away from him..
now, if we could only spot JT Snow.
We were driving down Harrison. And, we looked at this big, black, shiny new Escalade next to us. From the driver's seat, I could only see that this guy had HUGE arms. And then, Jason timidly says, "That's Barry Bonds." I thought he was just kidding. Don't worry, we didn't stare. Jason took furtive glances from the passenger seat. Then, he pulled in front of us, and I could see him in his mirrors. We followed him briefly (because we were going in the same direction, not because we were stalking).
So, yes. That was our encounter with Barry Bonds. Jason sat less than 4 feet away from him..
now, if we could only spot JT Snow.
August 7, 2003
August 1, 2003
I do not want to eat cow for a long time.
Mary, Alinna, Jason Kuo, Seri, and I went to the House of Prime Rib on Wednesday. We stuffed ourselves. I was so full that when I got home, all I could do was sit on my couch and drink chamomile tea. Jason called me. I was able to talk for all of 15 minutes. And then, I just had to go to sleep.
While we were driving home, Mary starts saying "I'm drunk on cow!!" The next day at work, we established that we had a hangover from the cow.
ugh. but much fun.
More fun tonight! Massive sleepover at my place! Are we making sangria?!
Mary, Alinna, Jason Kuo, Seri, and I went to the House of Prime Rib on Wednesday. We stuffed ourselves. I was so full that when I got home, all I could do was sit on my couch and drink chamomile tea. Jason called me. I was able to talk for all of 15 minutes. And then, I just had to go to sleep.
While we were driving home, Mary starts saying "I'm drunk on cow!!" The next day at work, we established that we had a hangover from the cow.
ugh. but much fun.
More fun tonight! Massive sleepover at my place! Are we making sangria?!
July 17, 2003
If anyone knows someone who is looking for housing in the East Bay, let me know.
There is an apartment for rent in my builing (a house converted into 3 separate flats). It's a 1 bedroom, 1 bath, kitchen, etc. The house is SOOOOOO cute. Beautiful front and back yards. It's less than 1 block away from beautiful Lake Merritt.
If you are interested, please let me know in the next few days. I think it'll get snatched up really fast. They want to give it to someone they know. (or someone I know!) So....let me know ASAP!!!!
There is an apartment for rent in my builing (a house converted into 3 separate flats). It's a 1 bedroom, 1 bath, kitchen, etc. The house is SOOOOOO cute. Beautiful front and back yards. It's less than 1 block away from beautiful Lake Merritt.
If you are interested, please let me know in the next few days. I think it'll get snatched up really fast. They want to give it to someone they know. (or someone I know!) So....let me know ASAP!!!!
July 9, 2003
Blogger is freakin' crazy...
I got this strange hack into my blogger. It went away after I republished a few times. BUT...*shiver* it gives me the heebyjeebies or however you spell that.
I wrote this post about how I had fun hanging out with Sam. But it was lost during the blogger madness. Maybe I'll post it again later.
Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us. My family really appreciates it. (Gosh, I sound like my sister). Please keep praying.
I got this strange hack into my blogger. It went away after I republished a few times. BUT...*shiver* it gives me the heebyjeebies or however you spell that.
I wrote this post about how I had fun hanging out with Sam. But it was lost during the blogger madness. Maybe I'll post it again later.
Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us. My family really appreciates it. (Gosh, I sound like my sister). Please keep praying.
June 2, 2003
So Jason and I went to Mosaic yesterday. It was very refreshing.
Rod Howard, one of the elders spoke. They've been going through Ephesians for the past several months. The past few weeks, they've been on Ephesians 6. Talking about the spiritual battles that happen daily over our lives.
Yesterday's sermon was only on Eph. 6:17. "And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
The word for sword is actually more like dagger. A shorter blade, used for hand to hand, hot-breath to hot-breath combat.
Within the armor of God in Eph. 6, this is the only piece of armor that is actually defined. The sword of the Spirit=Word of God. The greek translation for Word of God is something (i forgot)..but the intent is that it is a precise Word from God. Not the entire scripture, not major theological concepts. But exact Words from God. Rod really exhorted the congregation to to make an effort to memorize precise, specific scripture passages. That that would be our defense for overcoming the world, for standing strong against the assault of Satan. This was how Christ did it when He was tempted in the desert.
He talked for a while about how insidiously Satan creeps into our lives. Encouring self-indulgence, self-satisfaction, complacency, and laziness. He talked about how, yes, TV and internet have content that is unedifying. But, furthermore, they medium is detrimental, in that it eats up our time.
I was really convicted by this message. The emphasis was not on the act of Scriputre memorization. But, it was emphasized time and time again that we will need to "beg God's grace" to allow these verses to transfuse our lives so that we can counter satan with them.
Rod Howard, one of the elders spoke. They've been going through Ephesians for the past several months. The past few weeks, they've been on Ephesians 6. Talking about the spiritual battles that happen daily over our lives.
Yesterday's sermon was only on Eph. 6:17. "And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God."
The word for sword is actually more like dagger. A shorter blade, used for hand to hand, hot-breath to hot-breath combat.
Within the armor of God in Eph. 6, this is the only piece of armor that is actually defined. The sword of the Spirit=Word of God. The greek translation for Word of God is something (i forgot)..but the intent is that it is a precise Word from God. Not the entire scripture, not major theological concepts. But exact Words from God. Rod really exhorted the congregation to to make an effort to memorize precise, specific scripture passages. That that would be our defense for overcoming the world, for standing strong against the assault of Satan. This was how Christ did it when He was tempted in the desert.
He talked for a while about how insidiously Satan creeps into our lives. Encouring self-indulgence, self-satisfaction, complacency, and laziness. He talked about how, yes, TV and internet have content that is unedifying. But, furthermore, they medium is detrimental, in that it eats up our time.
I was really convicted by this message. The emphasis was not on the act of Scriputre memorization. But, it was emphasized time and time again that we will need to "beg God's grace" to allow these verses to transfuse our lives so that we can counter satan with them.
May 28, 2003
I'm not a big Elizabeth Elliott fan!!
I'm a big Nancy Groom fan! =) Nancy Groom wrote a fantastic book similar to Sacred Romance. It's called Heart to Heart about Men. I truly believe that the title is a misnomer (i don't know if i'm using that word correctly. Oh well.)
It's not so much about about men. It is a little bit. But, it really gets to the root of a woman's heart as she tries to relate to God. And it's very interesting to see the connections that can be made about how we view men in our lives (friends, father, authority figures) and what that truly shows about our hearts toward God.
You can borrow if you'd like (after you read sacred romance). You should borrow it in fact!
I'm a big Nancy Groom fan! =) Nancy Groom wrote a fantastic book similar to Sacred Romance. It's called Heart to Heart about Men. I truly believe that the title is a misnomer (i don't know if i'm using that word correctly. Oh well.)
It's not so much about about men. It is a little bit. But, it really gets to the root of a woman's heart as she tries to relate to God. And it's very interesting to see the connections that can be made about how we view men in our lives (friends, father, authority figures) and what that truly shows about our hearts toward God.
You can borrow if you'd like (after you read sacred romance). You should borrow it in fact!
May 20, 2003
May 15, 2003
**warning Dawson's Creek series finale spoilers***
"The simple act of me loving you is enough for me. so you're off the hook" - Pacey Witter
Pacey's the man. I'm glad that Joey ended up with Pacey. In the end, Pacey was a bigger man than Dawson.
Did anyone tape the finale? I didn't. I want to watch it again.
I have to give the writers and all credit. It was a good finale. I love how they even made fun of themselves and their viewership at the beginning. "Joey why are you watching that? I can't believe every Wednesday at 8pm you sit down to watch 'The Creek.' It's a weekly portal into the world of teen angst. And you've developed a personal attachment to them all."
Oh, of course, they spouted all their profound life statements in classic Dawson's Creek fashion. "Dreams come true, Dawson, not free."
I'm glad they chose to make a point at the end about the difference between reality and television. So, for those of you that don't know, in the series finale, Dawson (5 years in the future) is the executive producer of "The Creek," a weekly teen soap opera that basically recounts Dawson's life (especially the Joey-Pacey Joey-Dawson Dawson-Pacey headache). But, alas, when the show finally comes to a close, Dawson struggles with understanding reality versus the fiction he writes. Finally,Dawson writes in "The Creek" that the "Joey" character ends up with the "Dawson" character (although Joey chooses Pacey in the end). Granted, what is considered reality on the show is still fiction to the viewer. But, it's just a good reminder to the viewership that Dawson's Creek is NOT reality. (well, duh...but I get sucked in sometimes!)
So, after 1 last hoorah, another show from my high school/college years has come to an end.
Yay! the Practice is on for another season.
Ok, that was a silly TV post. I'm done now.
"The simple act of me loving you is enough for me. so you're off the hook" - Pacey Witter
Pacey's the man. I'm glad that Joey ended up with Pacey. In the end, Pacey was a bigger man than Dawson.
Did anyone tape the finale? I didn't. I want to watch it again.
I have to give the writers and all credit. It was a good finale. I love how they even made fun of themselves and their viewership at the beginning. "Joey why are you watching that? I can't believe every Wednesday at 8pm you sit down to watch 'The Creek.' It's a weekly portal into the world of teen angst. And you've developed a personal attachment to them all."
Oh, of course, they spouted all their profound life statements in classic Dawson's Creek fashion. "Dreams come true, Dawson, not free."
I'm glad they chose to make a point at the end about the difference between reality and television. So, for those of you that don't know, in the series finale, Dawson (5 years in the future) is the executive producer of "The Creek," a weekly teen soap opera that basically recounts Dawson's life (especially the Joey-Pacey Joey-Dawson Dawson-Pacey headache). But, alas, when the show finally comes to a close, Dawson struggles with understanding reality versus the fiction he writes. Finally,Dawson writes in "The Creek" that the "Joey" character ends up with the "Dawson" character (although Joey chooses Pacey in the end). Granted, what is considered reality on the show is still fiction to the viewer. But, it's just a good reminder to the viewership that Dawson's Creek is NOT reality. (well, duh...but I get sucked in sometimes!)
So, after 1 last hoorah, another show from my high school/college years has come to an end.
Yay! the Practice is on for another season.
Ok, that was a silly TV post. I'm done now.
April 21, 2003
To everyone that has left me a voicemail in the past few weeks that I never returned....
Sorry!!!
My little message icon stopped coming on! Stupid Verizon. I called them and told them that I wasn't getting alerted about my voicemails. I checked my voicemails, and i had 10 messages! Verizon says that I need to go into the voice mail system and switch my Message Waiting Indicator back to on. WHEN DID I SWITCH IT OFF!?
So, sorry! =)
busy, busy, busy week....
Sorry!!!
My little message icon stopped coming on! Stupid Verizon. I called them and told them that I wasn't getting alerted about my voicemails. I checked my voicemails, and i had 10 messages! Verizon says that I need to go into the voice mail system and switch my Message Waiting Indicator back to on. WHEN DID I SWITCH IT OFF!?
So, sorry! =)
busy, busy, busy week....
April 14, 2003
It's a bad sign when Alinna blogs more than I do! =)
Ok, O, I'll try to be better about it. Sometimes, i feel that blogging is just an outlet for me, but then I realize this is the only way that O has any idea what is going on in my life...anyhow..I'm babbling.
It's a really lonely day today. None of my close coworkers are here. It's just me all by my lonesome. It's very quiet which is nice.
So..work has been...interesting. I've been here for going on 2 years now. We moved offices last week. Everyone was hoping that it was going to be a welcome change. But alas, we moved into an identical building that runs parallel to the old building. My cubicle is in the same relative spot. So, in the end, I often forget that we've moved.
Again, digressing, having a hard time focusing today.
So, I've really started to forge friendships here at work. A bunch of us are starting to go out to lunch or drinks after work with relative frequency. It's weird, I spend the majority of my day with my coworker S. We have adjacent cubes (that don't have walls on one side) that open into one another. So, we have very little privacy. We have had some pretty severe personality clashes, but I've started to really see how God has been molding our frienship. She's not much older than I am, so that has allowed for a lot of chatting and hanging out. We've started to talk more about politics and religion. I think we've even come to look forward to talking to each other about personal stuff.
I've been really challenged by Alinna to really love S. just in the way Al is so intentional about loving those in her life that a difficult to love. I've been really encouraged to pray more for my coworkers, especially as I start to hang out with them more.
I walked away to go get some water, now I've lost my train of thought.
I'm just going through one of those "ugh, I don't like being a young adult" phases. It's okay. I will not wallow.
blah blah blah...who wants to listen to me blab anyways.
Hmm..so how do you find vision/purpose when you feel a bit directionless? You pray. But what do you do in the meantime? (not career-wise, but just passion-wise, ministry, etc.)
Ok, O, I'll try to be better about it. Sometimes, i feel that blogging is just an outlet for me, but then I realize this is the only way that O has any idea what is going on in my life...anyhow..I'm babbling.
It's a really lonely day today. None of my close coworkers are here. It's just me all by my lonesome. It's very quiet which is nice.
So..work has been...interesting. I've been here for going on 2 years now. We moved offices last week. Everyone was hoping that it was going to be a welcome change. But alas, we moved into an identical building that runs parallel to the old building. My cubicle is in the same relative spot. So, in the end, I often forget that we've moved.
Again, digressing, having a hard time focusing today.
So, I've really started to forge friendships here at work. A bunch of us are starting to go out to lunch or drinks after work with relative frequency. It's weird, I spend the majority of my day with my coworker S. We have adjacent cubes (that don't have walls on one side) that open into one another. So, we have very little privacy. We have had some pretty severe personality clashes, but I've started to really see how God has been molding our frienship. She's not much older than I am, so that has allowed for a lot of chatting and hanging out. We've started to talk more about politics and religion. I think we've even come to look forward to talking to each other about personal stuff.
I've been really challenged by Alinna to really love S. just in the way Al is so intentional about loving those in her life that a difficult to love. I've been really encouraged to pray more for my coworkers, especially as I start to hang out with them more.
I walked away to go get some water, now I've lost my train of thought.
I'm just going through one of those "ugh, I don't like being a young adult" phases. It's okay. I will not wallow.
blah blah blah...who wants to listen to me blab anyways.
Hmm..so how do you find vision/purpose when you feel a bit directionless? You pray. But what do you do in the meantime? (not career-wise, but just passion-wise, ministry, etc.)
March 29, 2003
"Always remember that some friends were meant to be a part of your life for only a short period of time. Don't be afraid to let go of some friends, and don't feel the need to find replacements for them. Each new friend will bring something unique to them into your life." - 1 of many words of wisdom from Emily Chen to Bev.
College is a weird place. It's this warped alternate universe. Friendships in college are unlike the friends that you make anywhere else. When you're in school, you can see your friends whenever you please. You can freely disregard many things in order to spend time with your friends - sleep, studying, class. Friendships develop with relative ease and speed in school. The commonalities of being students, going to the same school, needing to struggle with finals, midterms, deadlines, and problem sets propel friendships forward at a remarkable pace. Having common activities, such as studying (or pretending to study), facilitates spending time with one another. The intensity of events and problems in college seems much greater than it was in high school and than it is after school. Your friends take the place of family while you're away at school.
But then, graduation comes. And everyone parts ways. And the sad thing about it all, is that everyone is optimistic that they will keep in touch. I know I naively thought that I could maintain some very close friendships after college. Some have continued to develop and grow stronger. But, there have been others that have slowly faded with the passing of time. Phone calls and dinner appointments become more rare.
I know there was one friend in particular whose friendship meant a lot to me. I spent significant levels of energy and effort in trying to maintain the friendship. After a while, it felt like when we talked, we had these awkward "update" conversations - we went through a list of, what could have easily been prescripted, questions. "How are you doing? How's work? How's family? Love interests?" It was like hearing an audio newsletter. It was not a conversation. Amd furthermore, it hardly resembled a friendship.
I don't think I've really accepted the fact that friendships may come and go. I was fortunate. When I came to Cal, almost all of my close friends in high school came too. Although we all were involved in different activities, different fellowships, different lifestyles, it was easy to maintain contact. But, now, I've seen friendships that meant so much to me in college fade into a distant memory. There have been times when I've tried to catch up with friends from school, and I realized that I no longer know them. I am no longer perceptive of thee struggles and the realities that they face daily. It seems so counterintuitive to me. How could something that was once so important to me, something that I poured so much of my heart into, no longer be a part of my life? Maybe it's not so much that this notion is unfathomable. But, I think my difficulty is that there is no distinct point in time when the friendship goes from being something in the present to something of the past. If we all just said a real "goodbye" to some of our friends after college, it wouldn't be so hard to understand.
College is a weird place. It's this warped alternate universe. Friendships in college are unlike the friends that you make anywhere else. When you're in school, you can see your friends whenever you please. You can freely disregard many things in order to spend time with your friends - sleep, studying, class. Friendships develop with relative ease and speed in school. The commonalities of being students, going to the same school, needing to struggle with finals, midterms, deadlines, and problem sets propel friendships forward at a remarkable pace. Having common activities, such as studying (or pretending to study), facilitates spending time with one another. The intensity of events and problems in college seems much greater than it was in high school and than it is after school. Your friends take the place of family while you're away at school.
But then, graduation comes. And everyone parts ways. And the sad thing about it all, is that everyone is optimistic that they will keep in touch. I know I naively thought that I could maintain some very close friendships after college. Some have continued to develop and grow stronger. But, there have been others that have slowly faded with the passing of time. Phone calls and dinner appointments become more rare.
I know there was one friend in particular whose friendship meant a lot to me. I spent significant levels of energy and effort in trying to maintain the friendship. After a while, it felt like when we talked, we had these awkward "update" conversations - we went through a list of, what could have easily been prescripted, questions. "How are you doing? How's work? How's family? Love interests?" It was like hearing an audio newsletter. It was not a conversation. Amd furthermore, it hardly resembled a friendship.
I don't think I've really accepted the fact that friendships may come and go. I was fortunate. When I came to Cal, almost all of my close friends in high school came too. Although we all were involved in different activities, different fellowships, different lifestyles, it was easy to maintain contact. But, now, I've seen friendships that meant so much to me in college fade into a distant memory. There have been times when I've tried to catch up with friends from school, and I realized that I no longer know them. I am no longer perceptive of thee struggles and the realities that they face daily. It seems so counterintuitive to me. How could something that was once so important to me, something that I poured so much of my heart into, no longer be a part of my life? Maybe it's not so much that this notion is unfathomable. But, I think my difficulty is that there is no distinct point in time when the friendship goes from being something in the present to something of the past. If we all just said a real "goodbye" to some of our friends after college, it wouldn't be so hard to understand.
March 16, 2003
I hate Sam. It's been a long time since I've written that. But that's not what I wanted to write about.
Sunday school today was awesome. Honestly. This was probably one of the first Sunday school classes I had been to in a long time. All the way through..from the "introduce yourself" question (What about nature amazes you..or something to that effect) to listening to Chris Rice's Hallelujahs. I was actually really sad that class had to end. I would've loved to talk more about the passage, to sing songs of worship, and to fellowship with the body.
So we talked about Psalm 8. So that this makes sense, here:
Psalm 8
The LORD'S Glory and Man's Dignity
For the choir director; on the Gittith. A Psalm of David.
1 O LORD, our Lord,
How majestic is Your name in all the earth,
Who have displayed Your splendor above the heavens!
2 From the mouth of infants and nursing babes You have established strength
Because of Your adversaries,
To make the enemy and the revengeful cease.
3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;
4 What is man that You take thought of him,
And the son of man that You care for him?
5 Yet You have made him a little lower than God,
And You crown him with glory and majesty!
6 You make him to rule over the works of Your hands;
You have put all things under his feet,
7 All sheep and oxen,
And also the beasts of the field,
8 The birds of the heavens and the fish of the sea,
Whatever passes through the paths of the seas.
9 O LORD, our Lord,
How majestic is Your name in all the earth!
It was such a great approach to the passage - to see the passage looked at from two different angles. We looked at it from the perspective of God and Man and then God and Nature. I was in the group that looked at God and Man. I'll just summarize things that I found really encouraging.
1. Looking at how man is described in verse 4, David describes man as being very, very, very small - almost insignificant when you compare man to the stars and the heavens. But then juxtaposed to verse 4, you have verse 5-6. Man is so insignificantly small in his own existence. But God has truly exalted us. He has crowned us with glory and entrusted His beautiful, perfect creation to US to rule over. Sometimes I marvel at why God would bestow something so amazing on fools like us. But, that's the great value that God sees in us, and that's grace.
2. We have been made a little lower than God. In Genesis, we read about being made in the image of God. Man was the only creature made in the image of God. He chose to make us different from all the other creatures. When God was looking for someone to help Adam, "a suitable helper could not be found" amid the amazing creatures of His creation. We are truly set apart. And He chose to love us.
3. What amazing power God must have. Verse 3: the heavens were made by God's fingers. Scientists will study space for centuries to come and yet still not be able to fully comprehend it. And, think about it..the heavens were almost like child's play to God - all he needed were His fingers. I think about creating something, like a house, that involves using your full body to lift and carry beams, strength to nail and hammer and saw. Can you imagine what God could do if you used that much strength and force? Well, that's the power at work in our lives.
I don't know if I necessarily learned anything new in my head. But, in my heart, I was reminded of so many of those fundamental things about God's character, about our identity, and about grace. This was the exact lesson I needed today. It's been a tough week.
Listening to Chris Rice's Hallelujahs at the end of class, I was staring out the window at the bustle of Chinatown, people crossing the street from shopping, a bunch of guys playing ball at Lincoln, and this one orange tree planted across the street. How beautiful life is, even urban life where nature is a bit hidden. The busyness, the bustle, it's all part of this beautiful dance if we can only step back to see our lives as just part of something far greater. Today, I was reminded of fixing our eyes upon Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our faith. Man, creation attests to the glory of God. How come I can become so blind to it and get so stuck looking at me and my insignificance?
My soul wells up with hallelujahs. :)
Sunday school today was awesome. Honestly. This was probably one of the first Sunday school classes I had been to in a long time. All the way through..from the "introduce yourself" question (What about nature amazes you..or something to that effect) to listening to Chris Rice's Hallelujahs. I was actually really sad that class had to end. I would've loved to talk more about the passage, to sing songs of worship, and to fellowship with the body.
So we talked about Psalm 8. So that this makes sense, here:
Psalm 8
The LORD'S Glory and Man's Dignity
For the choir director; on the Gittith. A Psalm of David.
1 O LORD, our Lord,
How majestic is Your name in all the earth,
Who have displayed Your splendor above the heavens!
2 From the mouth of infants and nursing babes You have established strength
Because of Your adversaries,
To make the enemy and the revengeful cease.
3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;
4 What is man that You take thought of him,
And the son of man that You care for him?
5 Yet You have made him a little lower than God,
And You crown him with glory and majesty!
6 You make him to rule over the works of Your hands;
You have put all things under his feet,
7 All sheep and oxen,
And also the beasts of the field,
8 The birds of the heavens and the fish of the sea,
Whatever passes through the paths of the seas.
9 O LORD, our Lord,
How majestic is Your name in all the earth!
It was such a great approach to the passage - to see the passage looked at from two different angles. We looked at it from the perspective of God and Man and then God and Nature. I was in the group that looked at God and Man. I'll just summarize things that I found really encouraging.
1. Looking at how man is described in verse 4, David describes man as being very, very, very small - almost insignificant when you compare man to the stars and the heavens. But then juxtaposed to verse 4, you have verse 5-6. Man is so insignificantly small in his own existence. But God has truly exalted us. He has crowned us with glory and entrusted His beautiful, perfect creation to US to rule over. Sometimes I marvel at why God would bestow something so amazing on fools like us. But, that's the great value that God sees in us, and that's grace.
2. We have been made a little lower than God. In Genesis, we read about being made in the image of God. Man was the only creature made in the image of God. He chose to make us different from all the other creatures. When God was looking for someone to help Adam, "a suitable helper could not be found" amid the amazing creatures of His creation. We are truly set apart. And He chose to love us.
3. What amazing power God must have. Verse 3: the heavens were made by God's fingers. Scientists will study space for centuries to come and yet still not be able to fully comprehend it. And, think about it..the heavens were almost like child's play to God - all he needed were His fingers. I think about creating something, like a house, that involves using your full body to lift and carry beams, strength to nail and hammer and saw. Can you imagine what God could do if you used that much strength and force? Well, that's the power at work in our lives.
I don't know if I necessarily learned anything new in my head. But, in my heart, I was reminded of so many of those fundamental things about God's character, about our identity, and about grace. This was the exact lesson I needed today. It's been a tough week.
Listening to Chris Rice's Hallelujahs at the end of class, I was staring out the window at the bustle of Chinatown, people crossing the street from shopping, a bunch of guys playing ball at Lincoln, and this one orange tree planted across the street. How beautiful life is, even urban life where nature is a bit hidden. The busyness, the bustle, it's all part of this beautiful dance if we can only step back to see our lives as just part of something far greater. Today, I was reminded of fixing our eyes upon Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our faith. Man, creation attests to the glory of God. How come I can become so blind to it and get so stuck looking at me and my insignificance?
My soul wells up with hallelujahs. :)
February 27, 2003
February 19, 2003
February 18, 2003
February 6, 2003
Prayer meeting
J and I went to prayer meeting last night. I was so encouraged. Yes, there were a lot of people there (14!), but that’s not what encouraged me. I think it was one of the first times that I felt so encouraged and such a sense of common purpose and fellowship among YAF’ers. It was just such a sweet time of fellowship, especially with the girls. There was so much rejoicing, such earnest prayers, and good food (always a plus).
It’s been really good meeting with the girls again. I’m looking forward to falling into a schedule with all the girls soon. It’s been great to just go out with Winita and Debbie this week and to just listen to all the amazing things that God has been doing in their lives since we last met. I love the fact that they talked without ceasing for almost the entire time! I’m so humbled that God would allow me to be a part of these girls lives for the past few years. I’ve watched Him grow and stretch these girls so much, making roots of faith that are deep and strong.
Praise God for times of refreshing. Could it be that He's bringing me out of this nasty, depressing funk that I've been in for the last year and a half??? woohoo! I hope so!
Ok, no pretty boys today. Sorry.
J and I went to prayer meeting last night. I was so encouraged. Yes, there were a lot of people there (14!), but that’s not what encouraged me. I think it was one of the first times that I felt so encouraged and such a sense of common purpose and fellowship among YAF’ers. It was just such a sweet time of fellowship, especially with the girls. There was so much rejoicing, such earnest prayers, and good food (always a plus).
It’s been really good meeting with the girls again. I’m looking forward to falling into a schedule with all the girls soon. It’s been great to just go out with Winita and Debbie this week and to just listen to all the amazing things that God has been doing in their lives since we last met. I love the fact that they talked without ceasing for almost the entire time! I’m so humbled that God would allow me to be a part of these girls lives for the past few years. I’ve watched Him grow and stretch these girls so much, making roots of faith that are deep and strong.
Praise God for times of refreshing. Could it be that He's bringing me out of this nasty, depressing funk that I've been in for the last year and a half??? woohoo! I hope so!
Ok, no pretty boys today. Sorry.
January 28, 2003
Yahoo is down right now. I can’t check e-mail.
As the Cal semester starts up again, I find myself busy as ever. With the girls coming back, we’re picking up meeting again which is soooo wonderful! =). At the same time, I find my schedule filling up rapidly. I find myself starting to feel overwhelmed already! With some last minute things to finish up for apps, financial aid, this Berkeley Extension class, and everything else, I’m left with very little free time.
So, I was watching 7th Heaven a few weeks back, and Lucy Camden gave this sermon on keeping the Sabbath. Amazing that an Aaron Spelling show convicted me so much. But, anyway. I’ve been thinking about how God modeled rest for us. I know that I don’t really know how to take time out to rest. Like, I can spend an evening vegging in front of the TV, but it doesn’t leave me feeling refreshed. So, I’ve decided to make it a point to keep the Sabbath, and I would like this day to be on Sunday. One of the difficulties is that ministries and such at CI tend to have meetings on Sunday afternoon. But, the idea of keeping the Sabbath is carried through both the Old and New Testament. God emphasizes that need for rest time and time again. Sundays seem to be best because I’ve spent the morning in church, focused on God, His work, and His people.
At Debbie’s baptism, Dennis Tuma gave the benediction and prayed for the congregation. Before he dismissed us, he told all of us to go and spend time at rest today. Even with all the things that needed to be done. There would always be more that needs to be done. I remember him encouraging us to (1) spend time with God’s people: have lunch, have dinner, have coffee, (2) spend time in God’s Word: reading, journaling, meditating, and (3) spend time physically resting: napping, watching TV, reading a fun book. Y’know, learning to rest is a discipline. Especially in the culture that we live in, it takes an active effort to keep the Sabbath. “Keep the Sabbath.” “Keep” is an action verb. We can’t just passively think that we will be able to have a day of rest. This also means that I have to be more disciplined during the rest of the week.
The end of last year was such an obvious sign of how much I lacked rest. I was unfocused and exhausted in my ministries. I tried to plough through everything on my own strength which was sapped before I started. I really pray that being intentional about taking the Sabbath will provide rest during the journey so that I would remain focused and grounded in Christ.
So, those are my thoughts for today.
Possibly in the next installment: Pretty Boys. Ha!
As the Cal semester starts up again, I find myself busy as ever. With the girls coming back, we’re picking up meeting again which is soooo wonderful! =). At the same time, I find my schedule filling up rapidly. I find myself starting to feel overwhelmed already! With some last minute things to finish up for apps, financial aid, this Berkeley Extension class, and everything else, I’m left with very little free time.
So, I was watching 7th Heaven a few weeks back, and Lucy Camden gave this sermon on keeping the Sabbath. Amazing that an Aaron Spelling show convicted me so much. But, anyway. I’ve been thinking about how God modeled rest for us. I know that I don’t really know how to take time out to rest. Like, I can spend an evening vegging in front of the TV, but it doesn’t leave me feeling refreshed. So, I’ve decided to make it a point to keep the Sabbath, and I would like this day to be on Sunday. One of the difficulties is that ministries and such at CI tend to have meetings on Sunday afternoon. But, the idea of keeping the Sabbath is carried through both the Old and New Testament. God emphasizes that need for rest time and time again. Sundays seem to be best because I’ve spent the morning in church, focused on God, His work, and His people.
At Debbie’s baptism, Dennis Tuma gave the benediction and prayed for the congregation. Before he dismissed us, he told all of us to go and spend time at rest today. Even with all the things that needed to be done. There would always be more that needs to be done. I remember him encouraging us to (1) spend time with God’s people: have lunch, have dinner, have coffee, (2) spend time in God’s Word: reading, journaling, meditating, and (3) spend time physically resting: napping, watching TV, reading a fun book. Y’know, learning to rest is a discipline. Especially in the culture that we live in, it takes an active effort to keep the Sabbath. “Keep the Sabbath.” “Keep” is an action verb. We can’t just passively think that we will be able to have a day of rest. This also means that I have to be more disciplined during the rest of the week.
The end of last year was such an obvious sign of how much I lacked rest. I was unfocused and exhausted in my ministries. I tried to plough through everything on my own strength which was sapped before I started. I really pray that being intentional about taking the Sabbath will provide rest during the journey so that I would remain focused and grounded in Christ.
So, those are my thoughts for today.
Possibly in the next installment: Pretty Boys. Ha!
January 23, 2003
I'm just starting to feel better. Praise God!
So, Karen, Al, and I should really start our business. Tu Chiu's. HAHAHA. I love that name. Jason thinks it's stupid. =).
Karen and I..wedding wedding wedding..flowers..churches...food..programs..blah blah blah.
Too bad our friends only ask us to help because then they don't have to pay a vendor. So, we can't really quit our jobs and use this to as our income.
Ok, another post about nothing. But, honestly, this is all I've been thinking about for the past few days!
So, Karen, Al, and I should really start our business. Tu Chiu's. HAHAHA. I love that name. Jason thinks it's stupid. =).
Karen and I..wedding wedding wedding..flowers..churches...food..programs..blah blah blah.
Too bad our friends only ask us to help because then they don't have to pay a vendor. So, we can't really quit our jobs and use this to as our income.
Ok, another post about nothing. But, honestly, this is all I've been thinking about for the past few days!
January 6, 2003
Ugh.
I think one of the kiddies in Toddler Jail, uh, I mean the toddler room, got me sick. I'm coughing.
I went to the Cal-Stanford game on Saturday. That was SOOOO much fun! Thanks to Hannah and Jon Mi! It was such a great game!! Jason and I were on the bench next to these two really obnoxious guys. Yes, they were entertaining, but they also did some pretty inappropriate things. Hmm..should we go to the Cal-Oregon game? But we're gonna lose!!
Ok, useless post. Work has been pretty busy. My coworker's gone, so it's just me doing 2 people worth of work. She'll be back next week.
I'm learning to not just be content, but to live in the joy of the Lord. I think there's a distinct difference between the two.
*cough* *cough*
I think one of the kiddies in Toddler Jail, uh, I mean the toddler room, got me sick. I'm coughing.
I went to the Cal-Stanford game on Saturday. That was SOOOO much fun! Thanks to Hannah and Jon Mi! It was such a great game!! Jason and I were on the bench next to these two really obnoxious guys. Yes, they were entertaining, but they also did some pretty inappropriate things. Hmm..should we go to the Cal-Oregon game? But we're gonna lose!!
Ok, useless post. Work has been pretty busy. My coworker's gone, so it's just me doing 2 people worth of work. She'll be back next week.
I'm learning to not just be content, but to live in the joy of the Lord. I think there's a distinct difference between the two.
*cough* *cough*