Andrew Hyun, you are a dead man. Haha. Dart board...i'll show you a dart board!! Maybe it will look like one of those buddy icons Karen likes to make for you.

(sorry to the rest of my readers. I just needed to make a point to drew.)

My mom spent most of her childhood living in Brazil with her brother and my grandparents. My uncle's family (him, my aunt, and my cousins - Alex, Kelly, Vivian, and William) are all from Brazil. When I was 2, I went down to Brazil to visit them. Since I was 2, I don't remember much. But there are a few things I remember.

I remember one night, Kelly (who is my age) and I were supposed to be in bed. I was sleeping on the top bunk of a small bunk bed and she was on the bottom. We ended up staying up really late talking. I remember having a pillow/blanket fight with her. And that's where our friendship started. We would be best friends for the next twelve years.

I also remember their dog. Since I was two, I remember the dog as being GIGANTIC. I don't think it was actually that big. I remember running around their house, and the bottoms of our feet getting all black.

Part of me wishes that we could all go back to a time when we were all so innocent. To a time when the winds and waves of life didn't leave us tired, battered. To a time when we hadn't experienced death, sickness, grief.

But, life is not meant to be lived looking backward. My continued prayer for my family: "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Lord I'm tired,
so tired from walking.
And Lord, I'm so alone.
And Lord, the dark is creeping in, creeping up
to swallow me.
I think I'll stop
and rest here awhile.

And didn't You see me crying?
And didn't You here me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember where You sat it down.

And this is all
This is all I have to say right now.
I know it's not much.
And this is all I have to give.

I didn't notice You were standing here.
I didn't know that that was You holding me.
I didn't notice You were crying too.
I didn't know that that was You washing my feet.

And this is all
This is all I have to say right now.
I know it's not much.
And this is all I have to give
And that's my everything.

- David Crowder

Mary, Alinna, Seri and I did not win the lottery. We will not be buying puppies for anyone. NO ONE GETS PUPPIES!!! No pugs, no st. bernards, no puppies. We believed...we believed deeply...Seri had a premonition. Maybe God did not want us to win. Duh! Of course God wouldn't want us to win...If we won, we'd all become SLACKERS!! ok? ok...We didn't even win $10...or for that matter, $1. that means we must keep packing and cleaning. We cannot hire people to do it. ok...we did not win. How anti-climactic.

I'm sad that Mary and Alinna are moving out. I was also sad when Karen, Olivia, and Jean moved out. But, I guess because I didn't see a whole lot of the three of them to begin with, it wasn't as dramatic. But, Mary and Al's is my second home! I have spent many, many hours watching MTV on the couch, praying with friends in the living room, eating (and studying) at the kitchen table, cooking (and cleaning) in the kitchen, bbq-ing on the patio, and doing MCB work on Mary's computer. I think more than missing the furniture or that darned heavy TV, I will miss my friends. As long as I get to hear Mary sing "Wind Beneath My Wings" with Olivia at Alinna's Wedding...hrmm...I lost the point of that sentence...in fact, I lost the 2nd half of that sentence. Oh well.

Change is hard. Change is good...it's just really difficult. I guess I'm apprehensive about what the next few months hold for me. I guess I'm not ready to be a "young adult." A friend was telling me about how Oprah was talking about the "Quarter-Life Crisis." Basically, college grads who for a few years are somewhat aimless. If they have direction, they're having a rough time taking the first few steps toward that goal. High unemployment, low motivation. And eventually, they gravitate back toward grad school. Ha. Sounds like me. But I think I realized this about myself a while ago. I called it the "post-graduation funk."

I went to YAF last night. I was, strangely, kind of nervous before and at the beginning. It's been a few years since I've had to be a "new kid." Haven't had to be new to a group in a while. Well, it wasn't as scary or awkward as I had expected. It was a little awkward. I was touched by people's warm invitations and greetings. It's just strange to have to get to know people again. Time to make new friends.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm socially inept. I feel like I don't know how to make new friends. I just don't know how to make friends. I feel like I don't know how to build deep, committed friendships. I'm a social butterfly. There, I've admitted it. And I don't like it. Well, I do like the feeling of knowing a lot of people. But, I see how the way I am doesn't build up the body. That's something I've been trying to change. I want to be able to invest in people and have them invest in me. I feel like I don't serve the body with my friendship because I don't let people close enough that we can bless one another. Yes, I do have a small handful of close friends. But, I tend to not let anybody in but those friends. I can tell people a lot of stuff about me - what I've been doing, what's going on in my life. But that's just barely me. I had behind telling people about "stuff."

I had a conversation the other day where I was really blessed. I didn't even realize it until today. A friend was asking me about things close to my heart. It's been a long time since I've stumbled into conversation about things really close to my heart right then - my sister, my family, my grandparents. I want to be able to talk to people about the things that are close to their heart. I'm tired of just talking about "stuff." There's definitely a place for that...proportionally, you'll talk about "stuff" much more than talking about real matters. But, I'm tired of hiding behind the "stuff." I want to learn to pray for people more. To find out what is close to their hearts. To be concerned with their spiritual and emotional welfare as well as their physical and financial well-being.

I look forward in great anticipation to the further unfolding of these beautiful friendships that I already have. And I look forward in a bit of apprehension toward the new friendships that God is forging.