For one who likes to talk, I have a difficult time articulating myself. I have a lot of trouble succinctly and accurately saying the things jumbled up in my head. To make a point, I normally have to make five statements before I can get to the heart of the matter. Usually, those five statements don't make much sense.

My inability to express myself has become rather frustrating as of late. I feel like I haven't really had an outlet to share honestly and openly. Most of the time, I know that this thoughts page is not the mechanism. It's somewhat awkward for me to talk to an unidentified readership. Digressing, again. See? Back to the frustration issue. I'm not poetic, nor creative, nor artistic, nor articulate. There are days when I wish I could do something like paint, to illustrate how I feel and what I'm thinking.

Alinna was telling me about her students the other day. She teaches high schoolers. She was telling me how her kids will start to explain something. But, then, they'll get frustrated. They'll say things like, "So the emperor of Japan - I can't remember his name - met with his council...ergh....umm...uh....(silence)...uhh...I dunno. I forget." Al tells me that it's not that they don't know the answer. They just can't explain it. They get frustrated and a little panicked along the way. And then it happens, the thought comes to a screeching halt.

When the thought train in my head crashes into a brick wall, I just get tired. Rather than trying to back up and explain myself again, I opt to just let it go, trying to move the conversation forward. I have now frustrated a good number of people by doing this. Part of it is my own pride. I'm embarassed by the fact that I'm inarticulate. Ultimately, I just feel stupid. Going back over the conversation only makes me feel like more of an idiot. I'd rather just move on. But, most of the time, the person/people I'm talking to aren't quite ready to move on.

Maybe I should go back to kindergarten and re-learn how to express myself. Maybe I should finger paint.