I think I think too much.

I know I think too much.

My brain is going to explode. I think sometimes I use my head to keep me from feeling. Maybe it's my screening process. Before I let myself really feel something, I analyze it to death first. I know that once something touches my heart, it will forever change me. Since graduation (yikes! almost a year ago), I've kept back from feeling too much. I think I've become afraid to attach myself to things. Ha. "Things" - that was vague. Dreams, hopes, people. I think it's time to let myself feel again. I want to love deeply again. And with loving deeply comes great disappointment and hurt. That's just the flip-side of feeling, right? I wish I was really passionate again. I miss that. Many have commented that I'm not nearly as passionate as I used to be. I want things to break my heart again. I want to be passionate about Christ, to be excited about learning new things, to be saddened by my own sinfulness, to be angry at the injustice I see.

I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.

Blab blab blab.


O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
Psalm 139:1-4