It's been a long week. The short of it is that I am roommateless and am frantically trying to find a roommate. There a few potentials...but by few..i mean very few.

For a while, I didn't understand. I was angry at God. This girl, Cindy, told me back in early May that she was going to move in. And on June 15, it all fell through. But, in the 6 weeks in between, I felt like I had "done everything right." I was faithfully praying for her, for our future living arrangements, etc. I had asked YW staff and my small group to also pray over this. I really saw it as a blessing; God really was taking good care of me. And then it all crumbled at 11:30pm June 15. After the initial disappointment/shock/anger, I became pretty angry with God. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had really surrended something to Him. And He did not bless my offering. Instead, He decided to see if I really had indeed surrendered it.

I think of Abraham as he goes to sacrifice Isaac. God, being omniscient, already knew what Abraham's heart was. God knew that Abraham was going to be willing to sacrifice his son, the son who was to be a fulfillment of a clear blessing from God. I can only imagine what was going through Abraham's head as he and Isaac walked up that mountain in silence. How can God be asking me to give this up? Is this contrary to His promise? I've waited so long for Isaac. God, I know I've messed up along the way with Hagar and stuff, but God, this was supposed to be something good. And now You're going to take it away. But, You are the God who keeps promises; You will deliver me from this. You haven't removed Your blessing, and I'm sure this all makes sense to You. So, I will follow with a brave heart.

God is good all the time; And all the time, God is good. He is not miserly, He give generously and abundantly that which is good for us - not what we think is good. Such simple lessons that seem so hard for me to learn.

I don't think I've felt this much stress since I was in school. I'm overwhelmed. Yet I will praise Him. I left my eyes up. There is hope.

But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. Galatians 5:5