A first tenuous step

Jason left tonight. I cried a lot. It has been such an amazing week, getting acquainted to a new place. This has been a big, scary transition for me. And, I've been so greatful to have Jason's companionship all these days. And now, he's gone. And I'm here trying to see God in a see of newness. The funny thing is, God is so much more...what's the word...tangible (?) than He was at home. Maybe because He really is all I have. And if this process allows me to see God more clearly, then bring it!

God has really blessed me in providing the friendship of roommates, old friends, and new friends. Baltimore has given me quite a welcome. Ok, Jesus gave me quite a welcome to Baltimore. Mild, non-muggy weather, getting to go to an Orioles game where they won, being seated right away at a crowded dessert stop on a Saturday night. I'm looking forward to visiting O and Eva's church tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous about having to meet new people. It's tough to change churches twice in a year.

So, I was listening to an old Nichole Nordeman CD on the way back from taking Jason to the airport. I wanted so badly to get on that plane with him and go home. To go back to a place where I know people, where I'm familiar with things, to be with my family. These lyrics so accurately capture the thoughts and emotions from today:

Gratitude
by Nichole Nordeman
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Send some rain. Would you send some rain?
Because the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade

Would you send a cloud, thunder long and loud
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely you can see that we are thirsty and afraid.

But maybe not. Not today. Maybe you'll provide in other ways.
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to you
with gratitude
for lessons learned in how to thirst for you.
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If you never send us rain.

Daily bread. Give us daily bread.
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed.
Fill our cups then fill them up again tonight.
Oh wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our stormy roofs
Let us slumber safe from dangers view this time.

Or maybe not. Not today. Maybe you'll provide in other ways.
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to you
with gratitude
for lessons learned to hunger after you
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
and if we never taste that bread.

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need.

So grant us peace. Jesus, grant us peace.
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibi's and enemies tonight.

But maybe not. Not today. Maybe you'll provide in other ways.
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to you
with gratitude
for lessons learned in how to trust in you
that we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
in abundance or in need
And if you never grant us please...

But Jesus, would you please...