I had a wonderful afternoon on Saturday.

Jason and I went to Santa Rosa. Santa Rosa is a really odd place. Like it looks normal, but it has these weird undercurrents. Kinda Twin Peaks-ish as Janeane Garofalo put it. So, we went up there in the early afternoon. It was a really hazy day, which added to the weirdness of the city.

Jason’s a big fan of the Peanuts comic strip, so we went out to the Charles M. Schulz Museum. It was pretty cool. There were tons of original prints on display. There was also this special display of all the tributes drawn by other colleagues in the comic strip industry. It was really neat. Some of them were actual cartoons that ran during May after Schulz’s death. Jason and I were really impressed by this big card that had been created by the artists on The Simpson’s. They each drew little sketches and had notes. There was one of Homer lying on his back on the roof of a doghouse. His legs and arms (and fat) are hanging over the sides. The caption bubble reads: “This is harder than I thought.” A lot of the artists wrote notes about how they were influenced by Peanuts. For a lot of them, they wrote about how Snoopy was the first thing they started doodling as a kid. It was a pretty impressive tribute. I, personally, was really struck by this strip of Charlie brown. There are 5 frames. In the first frame, Charlie Brown finally gets a note from the red-haired girl. In the second frame, he finally kicks the football. I don’t remember what the next frame was. The 4th frame was Charlie Brown looking all perplexed. And then an angel flies down in the last frame and says, “You’re in heaven, Charlie Brown. You’re in heaven.”

So, after the Schulz Museum, Jason and I had an hour or so to kill before our dinner reservations. So, we went to the mall. There were so many teenagers at this mall. It was pretty obvious that the make-up of this town was more working class. And that the mall was really overrun by teenagers. It was so crowded, yet in stores like Banana Republic and Ann Taylor Loft, only a handful of customers could be found.

Dinner was at this restaurant called Capri. The owner is actually from the island of Capri. He was this really friendly man in his late fifties. He greeted all of his customers personally (and affectionately). The food was wonderful.

We started with Sauteed mussels with garlic, tomatoes, and olive oil. It came with a toasted slice of a baguette. The sauce was tomatoey, but not too sweet or tart. The presentation was excellent, with all the mussels pointed upward on the plate.

We then had our entrees. Jason ordered the rabbit. I ordered the veal. The veal was delicious. 4 thin slices of veal were cooked in a marsala sauce with what they called wild mushrooms. I called them white and shiitake mushrooms. The sauce was flavorful without masking the flavor of the meet. They were served with a side of diced potatoes (that were a little boring) and vegetables.

Jason’s rabbit was excellent. 3 large medallions of rabbit stuffed with herbs. We expected it to taste gamier, so it was a pleasant surprise to find that the herbs covered that flavor nicely. Some bites, however, were too full of oregano. It was matched with a side of light, fluffy polenta and vegetables. We had a glass of Merlot which complemented the food nicely.

Service was so-so. We had one of the worst tables in the house. Next to the bar, and near the kitchen. It did give us a nice view of the rest of the restaurant with its dim light and large windows onto the quaint downtown street. The set-up of the restaurant was nice. 1 deep red gerber daisy was on each table along with a bottle of olive oil and a small candle.

So, that was dinner. YUMMY! Then, we proceeded to go see Janeane Garofalo do stand up over at the Luther Burbank Center for the Arts. Everyone in Santa Rosa is white. But, besides, that, it was a great show. She was funnier than I had ever seen her (considering that she kinda flopped on SNL). She got a standing ovation. It went a little long. The guy who opened for her, Zach Something, was pretty funny too. I had never seen stand-up before, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

And, honestly, more than anything, the highlight of my day was just getting to spend it with Jason. Yes, you may barf and gag now if you so desire. But, we don’t get to spend too much time with each other during the week because we’re both so busy (especially me!). So, yes, it was nice.

I had quite an enjoyable weekend. And going to sleep last night at 9:45 was great too!

Oh, and congratulations to Hung and Fanny!

One of my coworkers and I are dressed alike today. Pink shirt with elbow length sleeves, same color jeans rolled up just a bit, black shoes. I'm amused.

Everyone, I have an announcement to make. Can I have your attention please? I'd like you to meet the newest member of my household!

Moose has now moved into my quiet apartment here in Oakland. He comes to visit frequently. He likes to eat dinner (and sometimes breakfast too!)

He's quite the charmer. Big inquisitive eyes, a boldness and courage that is unmatched by anybody I have previously met, an unparalleled sharpness for getting out of life-threatening situations.

So, without further ado...

I present to you Moose the Mouse!

Too bad I don't have a picture of him. Honestly, I wish he'd go away and leave me alone.

I dreamt about salami last night.

random.

Sam beat me to it. (hey, and why do all my past posts have Sam’s name somewhere in them? It seems like Sam’s the only friend I talk to on a fairly regular basis, excluding Jason.)

I was in the processing about dumping about similar things. I've wanted to write about these things for a while now, so I’ll do it anyways. Similar issues, but not the same. Warning: this has not been edited. What ever comes to mind is written down.

A thought that has been flying through my mind a lot lately is: “When did I get like this?” I remember a time when I used to love (read: feel love for) God wholeheartedly (or, more than I do now), when I used to care about people more sincerely and deeply. I used to be such an extrovert. Maybe the years out of school have mellowed me out. But, I also have seen how selfish, bratty, and whiny I have become.

I find myself in pursuit of the same thing that Sam wrote about: happiness. There are times (like earlier this week) where I am just overcome by complete sadness. It’s a sadness that is intertwined with loneliness, frustration, and disgust at myself. I see myself becoming more impatient, more demanding, more critical. This is especially apparent when I examine my interactions with Jason. And now, I see where this comes from. I think the things that I’ve been taking out on Jason are reflective of my frustration with God.

I’ve become impatient. It’s become difficult for me to wait on Him to lead. I think my life is in a place where, for at least the next several months, I’m not going anywhere. And I’m starting to get antsy. I was so conditioned to school life where things changed every few months. There were clear markers along the road. Now, day after day, week after week kind of looks the same. Don’t get me wrong, there is still fun to be had. I also am lacking a bit for community. I praise God for bringing Jason into my life. Even while dating, I get lonely. I miss the girls. I long for that casual community of college. Where people would spontaneously show up for dinner and hang out all night. But, this is no longer college. And, so, I get sad. And I let this sadness come over me and eat me up.

So, instead of feeling sad, I try my best to keep myself extremely busy. This prevents me from sitting down and actually feeling sad. Am I pursuing happiness? Or am I just avoiding sadness? I guess they’re fundamentally the same. In the end, I am trying to “fix” my sadness. I find myself wanting to buy stuff, to eat, to entertain myself. I justify it as “therapy” but, ultimately, it’s trying to fulfill deep spiritual desires with worldly things. I want so much to not be sad anymore.

I look at myself, and I hate the sinner in me. I hate that I’m not content in Christ. I forget that I am a child of God, and heir to the throne, that I have received every spiritual blessing. Or maybe it’s that I don’t know how to let these truths transform my life. Honestly, I get tired of praying for this (or against the sadness). I feel like I’ve been crying out for the same thing for so long. I’ve had these undercurrents of melancholy for a while now. Maybe I’m not praying right. Maybe I’m praying selfishly.

I need to stop complaining – to others, to myself, and to God.

“For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand outside.
I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God
Than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD gives grace and glory;
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”
Psalm 84:10, 11

God has put me in His court. I’m in His court! Yes, it might be a colder, damper, muddier corner of His court. I might not like it too much. But, I am in His court. And I sit and I complain how I don’t like where in His court He has put me. But y’know what? At some given moment, God will pass by in His court. And from my station, I will have the best view of Him, and it will make it well worth the wait. No good thing does He withhold. He knows what is good for me, and He gives generously.

So, yeah..that’s my brain throwing up. I’m not sure what to do, but to keep praying, to keep studying His Word, and to keep waiting. I don’t know..that doesn’t seem like enough though…but I guess that is..

I have no idea how to end this. Same disclaimer as Sam: “I don't want to get a bunch of concerned e-mails from friends, so I guess I'll stick this here. I know the truth of finding joy in God and I definitely believe in that.”