It's been a while, no? This update is all over the place. But, oh well.

Last night at YAF, I think I was on crack. I was kind of giddy. And it's funny, I haven't had that much fun in a while. I'm not sure if other people that were there were as entertained as I was. After YAF, I started "play fighting" with people. First, I was trying to head butt Kathy. Then, I was picking on Christine (well, she started it by giving me a hard time). I don't know. I was just being really silly. And, I don't think I've had that much fun in a while.

I finally feel that I can be myself now with people at YAF and CI. I think I'm starting to get to know people and I'm starting to get more comfortable with a lot of them. I spent all day yesterday hanging out with some close female friends (elaine and bev). I realized that I've been craving close female friends for the past couple weeks. Especially, friends like Elaine and Bev. Oops, that was a sentence fragment. Oh well. So, it was nice being able to screw around with Elaine and Bev. Dude, we are so silly when we're together. I have very little fear when I hang out with them. Most of my insecurities go away, and I can totally be myself. And, I think a lot of that spilled over into YAF last night.

I've known for a while that I'm a people pleaser. It's very important to me that everyone is happy. I'm a people pleaser to the extent that I will give up my own wishes and desires (frequently) for others. I've compromised my safety even to please others. And that's something that God's working out in me. He's been putting to death my need for approval. And I'm starting to experience a new freedom.

more thoughts on this stuff later. I'm going to take a nap.