As it is the morning after, I awaken with a bit more clarity. After a nice long shower, reading the NY Times and Wall Street journal, and a cup of coffee, there is a lot more clarity. So, I'm gonna piggy-back off of Sam. I was thinking about doing this last night, but my head was a mess. I'm now sitting at work. My coworkers and I have decided to take the first hour to do what we need to do to settle back into work. There are still lots of cops here. So, I'm updating.

My coworker and I were talking about how we couldn't sleep last night and how difficult it was for both of us to get out of bed. But, then, I think, my life is really not that bad. And God is a big God. I take my eyes off of myself and look to Him. Ok, why don't I start from the beginning of my day and move forward.

I'm writing about the events of my day. However, one thing I have learned is that this is not at all about me. This is about God and His glory. I'm just a witness to His work. I am so small in the course of His work and the world that He created. Ha..simple, yet obvious lesson: the world does not revolve around me. I must learn to give of myself to others and to the work of God.

6:35am
I step out of the shower and I'm boiling dumplings for lunch. My roommate scares the heck out of me when she appears in the kitchen from out of nowhere and says "Did you hear what happened?" We turned on the TV and watched the ensuing chaos. I wasn't sure what to think. Initially, there was just shock and worry for friends and family who were in the area. I couldn't figure out if I was supposed to go to work. I wasn't thinking very clearly, and I kept thinking that I had to go in because my boss and all my coworkers were going to Atlanta the next day, and there was stuff to be done.

7:45am
I drive to work. I start listening to KGO and KCBS. It's mass chaos on the air. It was pretty much chaos everywhere. I look around into people's cars as we're driving to see their expressions. Everyone looks like they've been hit by a truck.

8:15am
I arrive at work. They have closed the employee gate. I have to drive through the visitor gate where the security guard inspected my car, opened my trunk and my glove compartment. I walk into our main entrance where there is normally a security guy. Today, the FBI and police are here walking around with assault rifles. The security guy stops me and checks my bag. I mill around work for the next hour and a half, checking for news updates online since I can't find a radio. I do a little bit of work. Some other people in my building start coming around to ask if we've been ordered to evacuate because they had heard the Governor close all state buildings. We still haven't received any type of notification from the higher ups. There's somewhat an air of panic and shock in the area. People are worried about their own safety. Everyone is very somber and very unsettled.

9:45am
I get an e-mail ordering (not requesting) all "non-essential" employees to leave immediately. I leave and drive some of my coworkers to the bart station. I'm a little stressed, unsettled, and disturbed. I keep listening to the radio. I become increasingly angry at all the speculation and perumptious reporting that's going on in the media. Lots of "breaking news" that gets retracted. They're so eager to get the story at the cost of accuracy. I know that when news is breaking there will always be some error, but...I was just getting tired of it.

10:30am
I get home. I turn on the TV. It is on for the next 7 hours. I spend a lot of time with Jesus. I read a lot of the prophets and the Old Testament. God just reminds me that He is sovereign and that He is good. I'm convicted of my lack of faith. There is hope because God is indeed a good God, that He is totally and completely, in very nature good. I was reading Lamentations. The land has been destroyed and the author is looking at the destruction in the land. And he cries out to God. And God hears him, saying "Do not fear." And with that, a lot of the eerie fear that had crept into my soul was cast out. God is in the business of healing and restoration. That was why He sent His Son. He proves himself throughout the old testament to heal the land. He does not allow destruction to happen without healing and renewal. And there is great hope in that.

Chaos continues throughout the day on the news. A few of my friends are unheard from.

5:00pm
I accidentally lock myself out of my apartment

5:10pm
I get back in. I go running to let off some steam. I see Sammy while I'm running. I say hi and keep running.

5:35pm
I get back and watch President Bush's address on TV. He gives a solid speech. I think he's leading the nation fairly well, taking a tough stance, saying that there will be justice. He also comforts the people.

6:00pm
I have dinner with my neighbors who are old high school friends. They are my closest friends who do not know God. We talk about the events of the day. The Spirit has been prompting since last week to share the gospel with them. I'm still too chicken to do it. We hang out and watch tv for the next few hours.

8:30pm
I get a call asking if I'm going to go to prayer meeting. I decide to go. I'm still hanging out at my neighbor's place. I tell them that I'm going to get picked up to go to a prayer meeting in about 20 minutes. They ask me some questions about prayer. I get to introduce the gospel. Praise God! It's a step in the right direction. God has opened the doors for conversation. It is such a perfect opportunity. They listen and consider the things I'm saying. Still waiting to hear from a friend who worked in WTC.

9:00pm
Prayer meeting. We opened with a time of worship. I echo what Sam has said. It was definitely somber. I share in a lot of Sam's sentiments...you should just read his entry about this time. God had brought me to a place where all I wanted to do was worship and even praise Him. Others were still grieving and mourning over the events. I was saddened and brought to tear up a little as we prayed, but ultimately, all my soul wanted to do was repeatedly acknowledge that God was sovereign and good. I wanted to cry out for God's mercy, knowing that He is a God of mercy. I've been learning over the past months with the multiple people who have passed away in my life to develop a faith that is consistent and that is steadfast. God has been developing that faith in me. I'm still learning what that looks like. But I think I'm starting to understand more what it means when many of the prophets and even in the Psalms, where people are like "i fear for my life" or "look at the chaos." But then, they immediately say something like "But, my soul will yet praise Him." Learning to not only have actions that demonstrate faith on and off, but to have a deep rooted faith, a trust that runs so deep that I would not fear.

11:30pm
Play foosball at the Funhouse. It was nice to laugh. I spent a lot of the day wondering how quickly our world would return to the day in day out that we were in before. How quickly would we forget? It is definitely good to have moments of light-heartedness, especially after long days such as today. I don't want to forget. I want to have my heart broken for this land. I want to see the sinfulness and to beseech God for mercy and healing. Still waiting to hear from my friend.

12:30am
I can't sleep, so I go online and chat.

2:00am
No word on my friend, at least nothing promising.
My computer crashes. I go to sleep.

6:30am
still no word from my friend.
the day starts.